It’s definitely working. I’ve managed to keep my sugars above 400 at all times, and the weight is really coming off. I’ve lowered my basal rate to 0.3 units and zero boluses.
Now, while this is an extremely effective way to lose weight, I DO NOT recommend this to anyone. I’ll be honest here, I feel awful.
My head feels like it’s about to explode; it’s making me want to take a drill to my temple to try to release this unbearable pressure. Every time I so much as sit up, my world wobbles and it takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the movement.
I can feel my heart. As in, I can feel my heart beating faster than it should, even when I’m just lying down. And if I so much as walk up stairs my hearts pounds so hard that I’m afraid it’s just going to quit.
I feel lightheaded all the time, and I’m afraid that I’ll either pass out or my heart will give out under the extreme stress I’m putting it through. I’m at the point where I’m just counting down the days until I can quit this idiotic plan and stop being terrified that I might keel over any second.
That said, I’m not quitting. I said that I’d keep this up until either school starts, or I reach 130 lbs before then. Or I guess I’d also stop if this puts me into the hospital. But I’m just going to pretend like that’s not even a possibility. Otherwise, I’d be completely freaking out and I’d be too terrified to even get out of bed in the morning.
So really, I am NOT advocating diabulimia for anyone. Yes, it does make losing weight extremely easy, but it’s a nasty trade-off. I can’t even see any progress in the way I look, but I can literally feel that this is causing some serious damage to my body.
I’m not quitting because I already made a commitment and I’m sticking to it. Hey, this really is my way to ‘get pretty or die trying’ after all.
I know a lot of people have issues with what I’m doing and really, I can’t blame them. But please at least respect that this is my life and my choice. An educated one at that. I didn’t just wake up one day and say ‘hey, maybe I should stop taking insulin’.
I’ve known of the existence of diabulimia for years, and I recently started doing more research on it. I’ve read through dozens of medical journals, countless personal accounts of it, and so I had a relative idea of what I was getting myself into.
Even with all that, I did decide to go through with this anyways. And no matter how many people try to preach to me the dangers of my choice (although some really are just people acting out of genuine concern, which I appreciate and applaud) I’m not changing my mind. I’m too damn stubborn for that.
I’m just here, telling my truth. From what I can find, the only people who even talk about diabulimia are doctors, psychiatrists, recovered diabulimics, or entitled people who feel the need to cast hate towards people who choose this path.
So I’m here to offer a different perspective. I am someone who is diabulimic, and I’m chronicling that path, so maybe there can be a little more understanding about this topic. I read everything I could find about diabulimia, and even that barely scratched the surface of what it’s actually like to experience it for myself.
You can disagree, you can hate, you can warn, or you can commiserate. But you can’t stop me. I’m going to do this, and I’m going to put it out there for everyone to see.
If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t read.